After a whirlwind year of dramas, my husband and I along with "Mr and Mrs Mormon", finally got to jump on the Celebrity Century and cruise to somewhere FABULOUS which we had planned almost fully a year ahead of time.
Fabulous for me is somewhere where turtlenecks are foreign clothing. Something people snicker at while they are pointing you out to their friends on the street.
In this case Fabulous was going to be Key West, FL and Georgetown, Grand Cayman.
Those who know me well know that getting on an airplane is a big deal for me.
While I appreciate that they can get me there in a fraction of the time it would take me to drive there we still have not bonded.
I like to drive ... if anything I am a control freak when it comes to transportation. The pilots on these flights would benefit greatly from my assistance but they have yet to take me up on my offer. Whatever !
Philadelphia airport is our first step toward fabulous. Checked bags get checked and then on my way to Security for a screening.
Once again I am pulled over by a member of security who is holding up my large green monogrammed tote bag and asking if it belongs to me. "Yes, that's mine."
"Please put your shoes back on and join me over here."
Geeeezzzz what now ????
50% of the time I have flown I am pulled aside for a secondary screening of some sort. Me, 5'3", 40 something, Me.
Maybe it's the look on my face when I am standing in line to go through security. Perhaps I should clear that up. It's not the look of a potentially dangerous individual .. it's just the look of fear. The look on my face is really that of " I can't believe I am going to get on that thing again, and that I actually paid THEM for the opportunity to do so".
I had meticulously gone through that bag to make sure there were no WMD in there before I went to the airport to avoid just this moment.
No nail files .. no fingernail clippers.. no lighters.. nothing that might be used as a weapon against my husband when he falls asleep on the plane and starts snoring ignoring my obvious panic while sitting in a tin can 30,000 feet above the ground ... NOTHING.
Mr. Security starts to pull things one at a time out of my tote bag.
People magazine ... Enquirer ... Ohh and Time magazine which was featuring a story of Barak Obama's Mother on the cover. While some may consider the Enquirer a WMD I find it a wonderful form of distraction while flying. Beyonce had a beautiful wedding and Britney's hair is growing back. :)
My big faux paux at the Philly airport this time ..... Sunblock.
A brand new, never been opened, #15 Sunblock in a tube that was OVER the allowed 3 oz max.
That's what I get for trying to be a responsible Irish heritage sun worshipper.
Mr. Security holds it up and says .. "This is the problem" and quickly tosses it over his shoulder into a bin holding lots of unopened sunblock tubes and hands me back my tote bag.
I was a tad ticked. I am not ticked at the security guys for doing their job, but I am ticked at the folks that are responsible for these "New rules" in the first place.
Thats a whole different blog post I suppose but I hope the security guys at least benefit from all these tossed sunblock tubes and are not just throwing them away.
I envision a security locker room sunblock swap at the end of each shift....
"Hey I got some #15 over here."
"I'll trade a 30 for that and throw in a tube of after sun Aloe !"
Soooo we finally get through the airport, on the plane, take flight and land safely in Miami.
We meet our Celebrity cruise line transfer rep and are shown where to go to meet the bus that will take us to Fabulous.
Before we board the bus we add locks to all of our suitcases because they will now be in the hands of mystery people for hours before they land outside cabin #1246 on the ship.
I should add Mr. Drama added locks to all of them but 1 small rolling suitcase.
It was the bag with all of our toiletries. When I asked him why he didn't lock that one he sighed ... "Really who wants our deodorant and shampoo ?"
Hmmmm Not sure but someone DID want my #15 Sunblock didn't they ?
Wooo hoooo ! We have made it through all of the ships security points and we are now on the SHIP !
We are greeted with a glass of champagne and start to wander the decks of the ship trying to soak in the scenery and keeping an eye out for Mr and Mrs Mormon to get onboard.
After a few hours of wandering, meeting up with the Mormons and surviving Muster Drill we go back to our cabin and sitting beside our door in the hallway stacked up on one another are all our our luggage bags.
Great we can finally unpack and get Fabulous started.
I hang the hangables ... put away the drawables and then grab the bag full of toiletries to load the bathroom up.
When I unzip the top of the bag a black wool like poof of material pops out.
I was stunned for a minute .. geez maybe I have someone else's bag ?!?
This black wool thing has been jammed in my bag, barely allowing the zipper to close.
Underneath it are all of my things so yes indeed this is my bag.
When I pull it out I realize it's a black Pea Coat. Upon further inspection I can see it's a size 22.
From the rips and tears scattered around on it I can see that it has been a rather heavily used Pea Coat at that.
I ask my husband ... "Is this yours ? "
Now I already know the answer to that but it's one of those situations where you have to ask anyway just because you HAVE too.
He replies .. NO.. where did that come from ?
Me : It was in the toiletries bag.
How thee heck did it get in there ???
Somewhere between the Philly airport and the cruise ship I have picked up a tattered size 22 Pea Coat.
MARVELOUS ! So much for all the super duper security systems I was just put through.
Now folks I ask you what does one do with a tattered size 22 black wool Pea Coat on a cruise ship headed for the Caribbean ??
You torture your next door cabin mates who just HAPPEN to be your Mormon friends with it.. thats what you do ;)
Mr. Drama tosses the Pea Coat over the wall that divides our balcony from theirs and says nothing. Sooner or later one of them will find it.
Sure enough ... Mr. Mormon discovers the Pea Coat laying on his balcony.
He shows it to Mrs. Mormon who has no clue where it came from and she in turn asks us about it.
We laughed about it and told her the story of how it came to be.
We all leave for dinner and more deck perusing and when we return to our cabin there on our balcony is the Pea Coat with a note attached.
"Let there be PEAS on Earth and let it begin with me"
Ohhhhh No what has that MamaMormon started now.
There is no way that Mr. Drama is going to let that one go unanswered.
The Pea Coat has now become a one upping tool.
For the next few days it gets tossed back and forth from balcony to balcony with new notes attached to it each time.
Notes from white note paper .. notes from the backs of discarded receipts ... dry cleaning request forms, pretty much anything that could be written on.
Each note was added to a new spot on the coat with the previous notes remaining where they were.
The one Mr. Drama was most proud of is when he added some artwork to it as well.
He took my Dark Pinkish Nail polish and painted a blood stain on the coat in the area that would cover the heart and wrote:
"Shot through the heart and your to blame, this coat gives outerwear a bad name"
Damn these two were on a roll and it was hysterical.
Mr Mormon and I just sat back and observed .. on that we megged.
Let these 2 crazies go at it.
Seriously a battered Pea Coat , Who knew what power it had ?
About the 4th day in Mr. Drama tosses the Pea Coat down to Mrs. Mormon while she is eating breakfast on the deck below us.
She gives it a spot at the table with her and Mr. Mormon by placing it on the back of a chair at their table.
There it hung.
For 2 full days no one else sat at that table because they thought it was taken due to the Pea Coat hanging on the back of one of the chairs.
In a way it was great for us. We always had a table to sit at when we went to that deck.
We were the only ones brave enough to sit at the table with the Coat.
Because our balconys were right above this table we could observe our Pea Coat anytime we wanted too and laughed when the rest of the tables were full .. but that one was empty.
The last morning of the cruise we had to be up early .. 6 am to get ready to disembark.
I went out to sit on the balcony one last time and at first I didn't see the Pea Coat.
I thought, well finally someone threw it out.
After a few minutes of taking in the view I see two Ship officers inspecting the deck below us.
Thats when it happens. One of them yells something over to the other one in their native language ( I have no idea what it was but it wasn't English) and he is holding up the PEA COAT.
The other officer walks over and they both begin trying to read the notes that are attached to it while holding it up in the air like they might just catch something from it.
I begin to summon Mr. Drama from bed to get out here NOW. He is not happy that I am making him get up in such a hurry, especially after his last late night at the bar with Boris and Eric the previous evening but when I say HURRY UP as loud as one can say under your breath he comes out on the balcony.
When I point down he starts laughing and steps back so he can't be seen.
There are 2800 passengers on this ship and there is no way these officers can know we are responsible for this wayward Pea Coat but still I am feeling pangs of guilt as they are trying to figure out what it is and what happened to it.
Then with no ceremony at all .. they throw it away.
Poof .. just like that it's gone.
Had they no idea what source of entertainment that beat up Pea Coat could be ?
It was FABULOUS !
Fabulous for me is somewhere where turtlenecks are foreign clothing. Something people snicker at while they are pointing you out to their friends on the street.
In this case Fabulous was going to be Key West, FL and Georgetown, Grand Cayman.
Those who know me well know that getting on an airplane is a big deal for me.
While I appreciate that they can get me there in a fraction of the time it would take me to drive there we still have not bonded.
I like to drive ... if anything I am a control freak when it comes to transportation. The pilots on these flights would benefit greatly from my assistance but they have yet to take me up on my offer. Whatever !
Philadelphia airport is our first step toward fabulous. Checked bags get checked and then on my way to Security for a screening.
Once again I am pulled over by a member of security who is holding up my large green monogrammed tote bag and asking if it belongs to me. "Yes, that's mine."
"Please put your shoes back on and join me over here."
Geeeezzzz what now ????
50% of the time I have flown I am pulled aside for a secondary screening of some sort. Me, 5'3", 40 something, Me.
Maybe it's the look on my face when I am standing in line to go through security. Perhaps I should clear that up. It's not the look of a potentially dangerous individual .. it's just the look of fear. The look on my face is really that of " I can't believe I am going to get on that thing again, and that I actually paid THEM for the opportunity to do so".
I had meticulously gone through that bag to make sure there were no WMD in there before I went to the airport to avoid just this moment.
No nail files .. no fingernail clippers.. no lighters.. nothing that might be used as a weapon against my husband when he falls asleep on the plane and starts snoring ignoring my obvious panic while sitting in a tin can 30,000 feet above the ground ... NOTHING.
Mr. Security starts to pull things one at a time out of my tote bag.
People magazine ... Enquirer ... Ohh and Time magazine which was featuring a story of Barak Obama's Mother on the cover. While some may consider the Enquirer a WMD I find it a wonderful form of distraction while flying. Beyonce had a beautiful wedding and Britney's hair is growing back. :)
My big faux paux at the Philly airport this time ..... Sunblock.
A brand new, never been opened, #15 Sunblock in a tube that was OVER the allowed 3 oz max.
That's what I get for trying to be a responsible Irish heritage sun worshipper.
Mr. Security holds it up and says .. "This is the problem" and quickly tosses it over his shoulder into a bin holding lots of unopened sunblock tubes and hands me back my tote bag.
I was a tad ticked. I am not ticked at the security guys for doing their job, but I am ticked at the folks that are responsible for these "New rules" in the first place.
Thats a whole different blog post I suppose but I hope the security guys at least benefit from all these tossed sunblock tubes and are not just throwing them away.
I envision a security locker room sunblock swap at the end of each shift....
"Hey I got some #15 over here."
"I'll trade a 30 for that and throw in a tube of after sun Aloe !"
Soooo we finally get through the airport, on the plane, take flight and land safely in Miami.
We meet our Celebrity cruise line transfer rep and are shown where to go to meet the bus that will take us to Fabulous.
Before we board the bus we add locks to all of our suitcases because they will now be in the hands of mystery people for hours before they land outside cabin #1246 on the ship.
I should add Mr. Drama added locks to all of them but 1 small rolling suitcase.
It was the bag with all of our toiletries. When I asked him why he didn't lock that one he sighed ... "Really who wants our deodorant and shampoo ?"
Hmmmm Not sure but someone DID want my #15 Sunblock didn't they ?
Wooo hoooo ! We have made it through all of the ships security points and we are now on the SHIP !
We are greeted with a glass of champagne and start to wander the decks of the ship trying to soak in the scenery and keeping an eye out for Mr and Mrs Mormon to get onboard.
After a few hours of wandering, meeting up with the Mormons and surviving Muster Drill we go back to our cabin and sitting beside our door in the hallway stacked up on one another are all our our luggage bags.
Great we can finally unpack and get Fabulous started.
I hang the hangables ... put away the drawables and then grab the bag full of toiletries to load the bathroom up.
When I unzip the top of the bag a black wool like poof of material pops out.
I was stunned for a minute .. geez maybe I have someone else's bag ?!?
This black wool thing has been jammed in my bag, barely allowing the zipper to close.
Underneath it are all of my things so yes indeed this is my bag.
When I pull it out I realize it's a black Pea Coat. Upon further inspection I can see it's a size 22.
From the rips and tears scattered around on it I can see that it has been a rather heavily used Pea Coat at that.
I ask my husband ... "Is this yours ? "
Now I already know the answer to that but it's one of those situations where you have to ask anyway just because you HAVE too.
He replies .. NO.. where did that come from ?
Me : It was in the toiletries bag.
How thee heck did it get in there ???
Somewhere between the Philly airport and the cruise ship I have picked up a tattered size 22 Pea Coat.
MARVELOUS ! So much for all the super duper security systems I was just put through.
Now folks I ask you what does one do with a tattered size 22 black wool Pea Coat on a cruise ship headed for the Caribbean ??
You torture your next door cabin mates who just HAPPEN to be your Mormon friends with it.. thats what you do ;)
Mr. Drama tosses the Pea Coat over the wall that divides our balcony from theirs and says nothing. Sooner or later one of them will find it.
Sure enough ... Mr. Mormon discovers the Pea Coat laying on his balcony.
He shows it to Mrs. Mormon who has no clue where it came from and she in turn asks us about it.
We laughed about it and told her the story of how it came to be.
We all leave for dinner and more deck perusing and when we return to our cabin there on our balcony is the Pea Coat with a note attached.
"Let there be PEAS on Earth and let it begin with me"
Ohhhhh No what has that MamaMormon started now.
There is no way that Mr. Drama is going to let that one go unanswered.
The Pea Coat has now become a one upping tool.
For the next few days it gets tossed back and forth from balcony to balcony with new notes attached to it each time.
Notes from white note paper .. notes from the backs of discarded receipts ... dry cleaning request forms, pretty much anything that could be written on.
Each note was added to a new spot on the coat with the previous notes remaining where they were.
The one Mr. Drama was most proud of is when he added some artwork to it as well.
He took my Dark Pinkish Nail polish and painted a blood stain on the coat in the area that would cover the heart and wrote:
"Shot through the heart and your to blame, this coat gives outerwear a bad name"
Damn these two were on a roll and it was hysterical.
Mr Mormon and I just sat back and observed .. on that we megged.
Let these 2 crazies go at it.
Seriously a battered Pea Coat , Who knew what power it had ?
About the 4th day in Mr. Drama tosses the Pea Coat down to Mrs. Mormon while she is eating breakfast on the deck below us.
She gives it a spot at the table with her and Mr. Mormon by placing it on the back of a chair at their table.
There it hung.
For 2 full days no one else sat at that table because they thought it was taken due to the Pea Coat hanging on the back of one of the chairs.
In a way it was great for us. We always had a table to sit at when we went to that deck.
We were the only ones brave enough to sit at the table with the Coat.
Because our balconys were right above this table we could observe our Pea Coat anytime we wanted too and laughed when the rest of the tables were full .. but that one was empty.
The last morning of the cruise we had to be up early .. 6 am to get ready to disembark.
I went out to sit on the balcony one last time and at first I didn't see the Pea Coat.
I thought, well finally someone threw it out.
After a few minutes of taking in the view I see two Ship officers inspecting the deck below us.
Thats when it happens. One of them yells something over to the other one in their native language ( I have no idea what it was but it wasn't English) and he is holding up the PEA COAT.
The other officer walks over and they both begin trying to read the notes that are attached to it while holding it up in the air like they might just catch something from it.
I begin to summon Mr. Drama from bed to get out here NOW. He is not happy that I am making him get up in such a hurry, especially after his last late night at the bar with Boris and Eric the previous evening but when I say HURRY UP as loud as one can say under your breath he comes out on the balcony.
When I point down he starts laughing and steps back so he can't be seen.
There are 2800 passengers on this ship and there is no way these officers can know we are responsible for this wayward Pea Coat but still I am feeling pangs of guilt as they are trying to figure out what it is and what happened to it.
Then with no ceremony at all .. they throw it away.
Poof .. just like that it's gone.
Had they no idea what source of entertainment that beat up Pea Coat could be ?
It was FABULOUS !
14 comments:
BWAH HA HA HAAAAAA
1. No one can tell a story better than you, Drama.
2. I miss the pea coat of many messages.
3. The song is PERFECT! ROFL!!!!
4. That table that the pea coat saved for us came in handy for me more than once. Once I walked down, couldn't find a spot but wanted to sit by the ocean, and there was the empty pea coat table. I sat there and could feel folks staring at me thinking, "Doesn't she know that spot is saved?" Then I got up, and left the pea coat. HAR
And might I add - both you and I have Dolly Parton songs on our blogs.
MM does not.
Ergo - one of the megs is not like the other twoooooo - one of the megs just doesn't belooooooong.
BWAH HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA
Amen to that Mama !
Dolly Rocks !
I swear to God I posted on this!! I swear I did!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Isn't it a riot of a story?
And MM - you did comment on this post. But then you weren't meggy enough with us and Drama deleted you.
You read that right - she deleted you.
Get a Dolly Parton song on your blog before midnight EST (aka Boss Time) or she'll be forced to take more drastic measures. I'd be afraid - she has syringes.
0_0
But Dolly Parton annoys me!!!!!
And you are lying Mama....Drama would so not delete me!!
Besides...it will take her 2 weeks to find these posts and comment on them....
I think you're fixin to get voted right outta the Meg tribe. Bring us your torch.
I have an immunity idol!!
MM quickly holds up a Porter Wagner CD
drat - immunity
We're clearly going to have to have a tribal council meeting and get some things cleared up here. You aren't willing to Dolly it up AND you didn't ever say that the pea coat story was the best one ever. I don't feel like - weep - you really want to play the game.
OH!! I told Mit on the phone yesterday that it was a great story!!!
You guys need to publish that one and the MOTHER'S DAY FROM HELL story on your blog.
Thumbs up Dollywood fans!!
For the record .... It only took me 2 days to find them :)
MM I think you should add Islands in the Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton on your blog.
Noooo wait, I don't just think so I am bossing you too.
What better way to show your loyalty ?!?!?
That picture is hysterical!! I have no idea what the actual coat looked like but I pictured it just like that one!!
It is VERY Close MM !
Just visualize a few rips and tears .. then some scraps of notes attached and a nailpolish blood stain and it's like you were there !!
You should have had it monogrammed for Mama!
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